we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
