i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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