just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
