laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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