bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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