I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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