just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
