I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
