Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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