i was born a porn star she said
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
