There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
