DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
