i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
