____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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