i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
he's gonorrhea incarnate
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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