Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
