i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I am spending my child support on dildos
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
