I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
