Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he was CRYING into my vagina
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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