She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
