White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
