Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
