You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
