See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
