halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
How drunk are you?
Completed.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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