I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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