Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
