Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
