I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
