So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
