I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
