I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
operation harelip BJ is a go
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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