Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
