so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
