On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
