wakey wakey hands off snakey
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
