Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Damn victory sex feels great
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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