Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
