God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Randomize
