dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
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