remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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