I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
