I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
