I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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