3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
