Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
