Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
