she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
It was confusing and full of hummus
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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