So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
