this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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